It's not his/her fault

[ This is the November post ]

I was browsing news articles in a japan online newspaper. Most of the articles contained stories of the effects of economic problems faced by the nation. Some of these stories zeroed in on practical real life examples.

There was one article that caught my attention.. it was a theory that by Japan's standards, if your annual net income was below 900,000 pesos (converted amount from Yen equivalent), you are poor.

I was dumbfounded.

By world's standards, I AM POOR. Not just borderline poor. VERY POOR actually. =)

Then the article continued on by stating some examples of people whose lifestyle is considered below the poverty line. I don't want to expound on the details of the lifestyle itself, as this is the person's bias/opinion on it.

What I wanted to ponder on - is the reaction of a reader below the article. In a nutshell, this person was stressing two things. The first is that it's not the person's fault if he/she is poor. Whoever was claiming that life provides equal opportunities to everyone should really see a doctor.

The second point being emphasized by the reader, was that life is all about haves and have-nots. This was really mortifying to hear, but made a lot of sense. After all, what could you do if you were born from a poor family?
You couldn't possibly have the same opportunities of someone who was born and raised in a wealthy one.

And only after realizing this and applying this theory to your situation will you be able to pick better options based on what you have and what you don't have.

It can't always be the same

[ October entry ]

Imagine your life every morning when you're on your way to work.

LET'S SAY.. you have a habit of stopping by for coffee at your favorite coffee shop. This coffee shop's product is very good and manages to make you happy almost every single time you drop by.

Then.. after years of going there, your friend visits you coming from some far away place and where's the first place you take him/her? In a coffee shop that you don't frequently visit. If ever this happened to you - this isn't anything new. While there are many possible reasons that cause this to happen -- I will point out only one for this post. Particularly, the idea of inevitable change.

When I take an even closer look as to why you decide to change one day in what you want/like to do, I feel that it's mostly because we are serving our conscience with respect to discontentment. Yeah yeah I know. There are hopeful souls who believe in contentment. I myself want to believe this too. Perhaps contentment exist, but not in its purest form. I mean - there will always be something that we'll want to change, or something we'll want become restless with. And there will always be a part of us that will always stay the same.

But for the most part of our life, we simply have to accept the fact that not everything we have around us will stay the same. I suddenly remember what happened this year in terms of routine. This year was quite an odd year. The same people who I've been seeing every year? This time around it was total opposite. I never got to see them at all. And as I would like to protest to myself at my neglect of initiative, I have come to accept the fact that maybe.. just maybe.. I grew tired of how I was conducting myself among my friends and so I decided to go totally rouge this year and if
I compared this year with the past years in terms of social interaction - it's really totally happier but not necessary better. Mostly happier because I paid more attention to the inner voice telling me what I wanted to happen and went on with it, compared to doing a lot of things out of habitual obligation.

Why are you looking back?

[ This serves as my September entry ]

Some person I knew chatted me online a about 2 weeks ago and said that she was leaving the country in a couple of weeks. She was probably surprised that I wasn't sad at all. In fact I was quite happy. I was telling stuff like "don't ever come back" as if I was permanently sending her off. (Well, that was actually the case).

I just hate it when people are itching to leave this country, and when they finally do, they are feeling sad when there are people who are happy that they're leaving. I mean.. what's up with that? I don't see the point in peddling for sentiments of people to miss you, let alone wanting to be around.

They should really be just plain thankful for being fortunate as to experience opportunities like those. I know a whole lot of people who would almost give anything just to leave.

And don't get me started about sentiments on staying in touch. At some point in your life, you will lose touch with the people who are around you (the ones who live in the same country as you).

I don't mean to be cold. It's just that..

People should really just learn to live with the consequences of their actions.

It's either that or.. leaving life in the Philippines has become so much of a norm that I could care less for people who say they love they country then leave it.

Loophole

Ever been in a long line let's say, when you're lining up for a ticket in a movie? Then, some random person is standing say.. 1 meter next to the 5th person from the ticket counter? In the midst of confusion, the next thing you see, is that the random person is now the 6th person in the line? (much to the chagrin of the other people waiting in the line). What sucks even more, is that the other people in the line aren't doing anything real to alleviate the situation (such as move the person who snucked in the line out). Anyway, I meant that as an example.

Welcome to Philippine culture. One that is very polite (and hypocritically polite at times).

Too polite that there are good and bad aspects of being polite. I'll talk about the good effect of it first.

The good part of being polite, is that when you do something wrong, people will... usually not correct you. What happens is that they will hope that your conscience will hit you on the head seconds after you do something inappropriate. In other words, you are given a chance to gracefully settle an issue.

The bad part of being polite, is that people who know this part of Philippine culture will still do something inappropriate, and they know they'll get away with it -- because people will wait for you to fix yourself.

[ I know there's a really big and good example we'd all like to site, but I think I'd rather site a much simpler example, which also caters to some people who read my blog regularly ]

I remember a couple of months ago, my friend (who was years younger) was complaining to me at how there was some guy placing his hand around her, or even on her waist when he said he wanted a picture. She was in a costume in an event, so there were a couple of people (she calls them cleptomaniacs) who were doing this. She felt that she was being handled, yet she could not do anything, because shrieking in the middle of a photo opportunity when a lot of other people around will almost certainly send the impression to other people, that the guy who just was beside her is a pervert.

That's an example of the bad effect of being polite. YOUNG girls (I specifically emphasize YOUNG because sensible, aged girls will slap guys who do this) always refer to elder guys as "Kuya", and in doing so, denotes respect. When this respect is taken advantage of by violating a person's personal space (by touching in any form), the younger girl usually can't do anything about it, because our polite culture dictates that we have to respect our seniors (let alone can't talk back at them). We wait for the lecherous "kuya" to fix himself, however, much to the disappointment of those who believe in values, this does not happen. And this happens again and again - thus, the loophole in our (hypocritically) polite culture.

-------------------------------------- o ----------------------------------

Taking a step farther back, I think about my niece, who is starting to express an interest in cosplaying (after she learned that I'm usually covering those types of events). I wonder if I did see a stranger's hand on my niece's waist or similar -- I really want her to learn that lesson the hard way. After all, I feel that minor-aged girls won't listen to advice (even if they ask for it). It always has to be a personal experience before they even do something (or hope they do something).

Each New Day

Each new day is like a new page in the story of your life.. I want to write mine down whenever I can.. right about now, I feel the stress of the consequences of my actions. It's tiring, painful sometimes, but at the same time, happy and fulfilling.

What's on my mind right now

One of the things I deal with everyday is acceptance of reality - A reality that I don't always like, the reality of potential dangers of the things and people that I care for and hold dear, and there is of course.. (faintly) the reality of hope for happy moments in the future.

Today, I closed my eyes momentarily in meditation and prayed for patience and strength. I believe it's what I need right now the most. The patience is necessary to understand and see clearly in order to do things right. Strength is necessary to be able to endure the toll of waiting brought about by practicing patience.

I am lagging behind in my latest web project.. I'm not happy with how the schedule is eating up too much of my freetime there's barely any time to continue developing it. I need to focus again.. I have it.. it's just that it's faltering now because of some external factors that are causing me to lose concentration.

I love what's happening to my photography though.. after having accomplished what I've initially set to do.. it's time to start taking things to another level still, even if it will increase the chances of reaching heaven by 1%. I wonder how my best friend photographer is doing.. we've taken different roads. He's on the street and I'm on the road to cosplay. While we are from different disciplines, we are connected in our mission.. to build our own heaven.

There.. I feel much better.. I offer this post for those who are weary in their struggle to make things happen in their lives. Find your own medium of living your story in the best possible way..

When only leftovers are left..

I had an unwarranted sermon from my dad about how I adamantly refuse to spend on anything other than helping with the house bills. My reason is simple -- I do not see sound spending in things I don't get to use (such as the car, a mactan-stoned wall and floor, and uh.. paint?).

He was going about what he will do if he does still manage to make good income with real-estate still. Not that I don't believe him about the things he still wants for me (like buying me things like a car, etc.)

Why is it like that? Parents always expect you to want to give back some things.. and when you do, they grow dependent on you. And here, some parents (the really lean mean and priority-conscious ones) will educate you like -- a parent's role is to support their children until they graduate. After that, their obligation is done. Personally, I think the latter is better.

Parents have their own lives to live. Being free from an obligation of sending your children through college is something I believe all parents deserve. However, being free from the obligation does not earn the parent the right to be demanding to your children for support.

And the same applies with adolescents who graduate. They can't be dependents forever, so they should strive HARD and make every effort - to be independent one day. Given this premise -- how the hell can they achieve independence when the parents are coercing you for support?

The answer is simple.. make provisions to be on your own. Period.

Here lies the problem - parents will still want to give their care to their children, regardless of their age.

Going back to what my father says about the things he still wishes to give me.. even if that does happen now -- there's a world of difference in giving your son a car when he's turning thirty and when he just turned 21 (and even sadder still when you're turning 40). I'm like.. "Oh Joy *sic*". I'm really glad I've let go of those types of expectations a long time ago. I've already assessed my situation and seen the vision of what life would be like if I lived alone.

Now back to getting real..

Separation Anxiety

I finally got to talk to my best friend who is based in Dubai a couple of days ago. In as much as I could feel that he sounded happy, there was a tinge of deep sadness in the tone of his words. I guess that's how it is when you trade your setup for money. To tell you the truth, there ARE odd occasions that I, too, experience deep sadness whenever I think of the caveats that come with my chosen setup.

Anyway, the point of our conversation was to catch up on what's been happening in Manila, and what's been happening to life in general. He said that contrary to popular belief that life in Dubai is good, it depends on what you hold dear. He says that he envies me now, because I still manage to be happy in my home country and manage to make ends meet when it comes to helping the household expenses, and my hobbies. One thing is clear though -- you sacrifice a lot whenever you be away from friends and loved ones just in order to survive.

I don't know why I couldn't say anything really soothing about my best friend's situation. We always deserve the consequences of our decisions. I keep telling him, that in a few years at least he'll be living like a king when he returns to Manila. As for me, if the opportunity to spread the wings and fly even higher ever do come, I'll cross the bridge when I get there, but I've stopped thinking about the future, because I've been busy enjoying life's moments right now.

After a few more minutes of correspondence, my best friend thanked me for staying up later than usual, as I felt that a really heavy burden just disappeared off his shoulders. I forgot to thank him however.. as I felt that all the problems I deal with suddenly went away as well.

Refill

You'll realize it one day

[ Flashback from 4 years ago ]

I remember it clearly. I was looking through a coffee shop window during my Makati working days. I was contemplating on my realization at that time-- that all my self-pity (of the things I didn't get to experience back in college) was all for nothing. A lot of people who have been around me this time have perceived me as a really happy person. That was only 50% true..

[ End of Flashback ]

Despite how far I've come from being the not-as-fortunate (there I think that should sound more appropriate) person I saw myself to be -- it was still a good time spent. Because the product of the time spent living each day with this in mind was the REALIZATION - that there are reasons we don't understand as to why things don't go the way we want them to.

And here's the consolation part.

Even if you traveled back in time and talked to your younger self (to tell him/her to do things sooner), your younger self wouldn't listen to you. This is the part that makes you say "aaahh yeah you're right.. so it really had to happen like this".

Which brings me to my point. It's ok to feel sad about things you didn't get in life, but one day you'll realize that it wasn't all for nothing. When you look back at it, it will all be good somehow.

I didn't write this to enlighten younger people. I'll bet a person in their teens and early twenties wouldn't listen anyway. I want us all to JUST KEEP WRITING our story. As I've written in a previous post, what we are now is a product of our decisions and consequences of our actions. There is no one to recognize/blame but ourselves.


What did I do this time?

There have been some things that happened to me in the recent months that made me look up in heaven and couldn't help but ask - why is it that when I've decided to live my life in reckless abandon, someone comes your way and without being aware of it - you bring them closer to you - to the point that it will be another growing experience for me. I feel that if this keeps up, life as it is will either improve or get worse.

It's not fair - why is it that when I've got things going good for me, God throws a wrench somewhere. Fate is really crazy..

Fortunately, I'm not the person I was years ago. I've changed. And this time, I'm going to just do what I do. I've learned that it has always worked that way for me.

And so I live each day continuing to write my story.. with 1% of doubt, and 99% of zest.

I won't settle for cruising

When you're driving along at constant speed - that's what it's called - cruising. When you apply it to life, it means just taking it easy because you're having fun, life is so-so.

Unfortunately, I don't cruise for very long. I always want to be in a situation which makes you go up and only up.

And so I go..

It's never too late

One of my best friends left for Australia recently. She's 30, married with a kid. She finally did it - i'm talking about being able to migrate. Years before, she decided to stop making excuses and go on with that plan, and it finally happened.

I look back at our pictures during the last gathering we had before she left. I am running out of excuses to stay in Manila. Honeslty speaking, I feel sad that what we come to love is hurting us (I'm referring to our country).

In my speck in the world: my thinking was - how in the hell are you going to get a job in Japan when all the job openings in japan I've seen have the fine-print "applicant must be residing in japan"? Never mind the "must be fluent in japanese". You can always work on that. But the prospect of a foreign employer hiring multinationals for IT work? They must be crazy if they did... there happens to be a lot of jobless people in japan with programming skillz too.. not to mention the philippine government isn't helping. Instead, they recently implemented laws that make it more difficult for foreign employers to hire pinoys abroad for work (and possible permanent residency). As if we're so highly valued to the point that they won't look towards India or Sinagpore for potential foreign workforce. It is indeed sad. I can only keep on studying Nihonggo and programming so when the opportunity comes, you can grab it firmly.

Going back to the idea I wanted to point -- you still have to keep on working towards what you dream about. No matter how futile or high the odds are - it is what keeps us motivated. Keep on doing this, and you will reach your heaven one day.
For a person without a dream is half-dead already.

Just do (what you do)

In my lifetime of photography, I have come across so many people, from so many walks of life. They share with me their stories and experiences. I see a common mention in most of the conversations I have with my subjects. They always tend to compare themselves with other people being photographed. Whenever they see someone dressed better, looking prettier, their conversation leads to self-devaluation and insecurity.

Let's take a case in point - there's a model I know who was always downplaying herself by saying she wasn't pretty (when she really is) because she's comparing herself to this other model which is by most guy standards, prettier. I wanted to tell her that she should model and do just that, and not care about what other people's opinions are, because she's modelling at her own pace. More importantly, because the model she was comparing herself to was a really seasoned one.

I read it somewhere (I think from a manifesto from the author of gapingvoid), that everything good is not a product of overnight success. It takes hours put into it. What am I saying? Well, a lot of young people are smart, but fall into the trap of wanting overnight success because of their youth. Believe me, they'll be at that same spot thinking 4 to 5 years from now, because they thought it was easy. That model, who was looking down on herself, must really think that she can be a supermodel after 2-3 shoots? It doesn't work that way.. it takes patience, connections, and a lot of hard work.

For you however, who is serious about your craft, congratulations. I guarantee you if you stay steadfast on your goal, you will reach it one day. If you fall, take a break for a while, but stand up again. Every successful person has experienced that same thing you have; the only difference is that they took it as a challenge instead of letting it get them down.

Renewed Promise

"The fastest way to discontentment is to look at others' blessings.
While the fastest way to contentment is to look at others' lack of fortune."

The past week has been rather eventful. Whenever I feel that a month has passed by when it has only been a week since I last did a reality check, I know that the week has been good.

I've always loved capturing moments with my camera - to the point of putting good money in it. I've learned things on my own and from making SO MANY MISTAKES. Then after doing my homework for some months, I decided to formalize my education by being a student of one of the most prominent figures in Philippine photography. I was really glad that I decided to study again because I've always been making excuses not to. Eventually it came to the point that it turned to the "what-if" ghost haunting me. So I quit putting it off and took it upon myself to go for things without asking too many questions.

I will always be a student - that is my life-long promise to myself.

On Maintenance

One of the things I used to hate was the unwritten duty that came with having something of value. We have to take care of it. Simply put - Maintenance.

There are many forms of maintenance. A few come to mind..

Technology Maintenance

I'm kinda lucky that my family isn't rich. From being raised by a spendthrift family, I treasure the habit ingrained of having to be really mindful of equipment's wear and tear - being a tech buff. I'm talking about my PC. Can you believe that to this day my PC is still a single core CPU? And its still kicking ass. Maybe until Starcraft 2 comes out and I won't be able to play it will I upgrade. But until then, yeah I'm going to keep on maintaining this unit until it breaks down.

I was thinking.. it's weird.. why do I end up having fun doing this technology maintenance shit?

People Maintenance

Of course it goes without saying, you have to balance out your life - it's not just doing what you want - you have to share yourself with the people who value you (or do the same thing as you), and so it's time to hang out with the friends. I think I've started this year poorly since I ended up not being able to hangout with my best friends since December. Good thing, January seems to be always a lazy month, so I'm just going with the flow.

High Maintenance / Low Maintenance

Just an extra, funny thing of note - is there really such thing as a low-maintenance girl(friend)? *snicker snicker* I dunno, it seems God made them short in supply. I guess that's the secret to snagging a guy - "make yourself the low-maintenance type, just get it back during the upkeep season =D". In this day and age, when a 3rd world economy is feeling the strain even more, IT WILL MATTER to be low maintenance.

Body Maintenance

Ah yes, the Filipino people has the highest standard of personal hygiene in the world (for normal folk). See, maintenance is really everywhere.

Web Maintenance

Oh yeah, this blog is also a matter of maintenance. Luckily I still find the time to post at least once a month.. I hope that I can keep on writing as I feel that a new set of activities this year will eat up most of my time.

Unconventional Beginning

Ok, first of all, I wanted to make some changes this year by starting with the 2007 year ender. I scrapped that out completely because I believe all those people I know who visit are already acknowledged in their own right.

Next thing is.. what to write about. I have realized last year that I have been horrendously busy with stuff that I can write only twice per month. But like they say, "The only way is up" - so yeah we'll probably raise the count again this year.

This year for me is more of an "action year". Last year was more of a "realization and prepare" year. I wish to share this thought with everyone. Give yourself a "checkpoint" somewhere in your life.

It goes something like this..

Is there anything you wanted for yourself that you've accomplished the past year? If not how do you plan to accomplish that this year?

I don't want to go into details of this since I know we all have our songs to sing, and different songs have different verses. Sing your verse the way you want to - it IS your life after all.

And so we continue into 2008 - with a flame that burns that keeps us focused on our goals.

Shopfitting for 2008

Welcome to the 2008 season of Urban Warrior Cybercafe dubbed "The Next Blend". As usual, the shopfitting will take a few days. I can't believe it's been another year of stories and stuff. Without further ado, let us begin.